We don’t get to say much else and I only see him once more that day, but we make plans to hang out the next morning. First off, I am nervous. We have a basic non-verbal agreement of what will happen. I’m prepared for it. I’ve thought about it a lot before even making real plans to see him. I am mentally and physically prepared for it. I am extremely nervous, though. It doesn’t help that, never having been to his house before, I get lost. I suck at directions, and he gives crappy ones. After twenty minutes, I finally get there. I go inside and we go to his bedroom. I don’t say much and neither does he. He finishes playing a video game for awhile while I tease him about how bad he is. I lay down on my back while he puts on a movie and turns off the lights. At this point I am beyond nervous. Nothing happens for a little bit. He is lying on his stomach next to me. Then he turns on his side and looks at me. We talk, bantering back and forth, which is what we do most of the time. He. Yes, those legs! Legs that went on and on, finally sliced by frayed denim shorts. The sight of her, the impossibility of me ever having her, made me want to weep. Later, when shovelling chicken legs, quiche, and coleslaw from the buffet onto my paper plate, I turned to find her standing by my side unselfconsciously spreading soft cheese along the core of a celery stick. She smiled at me, said, "Oh, it's you, uncle Paul." She held my gaze as I were a piece left over from a completed jigsaw puzzle. "You look well," she said.She was an adult now. All I could say was, "You've changed." In a good way, I hope?" "The best possible way," I said, and then regretted the words, my lecherous tone. I saw her eyes. She had seen my mind. I felt ashamed.She flushed slightly, lowered her eyes. I quickly asked about her plans, offered a weak smile as I awaited her reply. We began to chat. She had forgiven me.And so we managed fifteen minutes of catching up. Gone was the gauche half-formed.
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